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John and Sally sit together for a while, quietly taking in the artwork around them.
The museum in Powder Junction has become Sally's sanctuary – the one place where she can find some peace to think things through. These past few years have been brutal. Everything's turned upside down, and it feels like for every answer she gets, two or three new questions pop up to torment her. Nothing makes sense anymore. She keeps hoping her friend Josh will show up – that coalescent being who promised he'd be there with answers when she needed him most. But so far? Nothing. Radio silence.
John keeps telling her that maybe Josh is waiting for her to be emotionally ready to handle whatever answers he's got. But Sally's not buying it – it feels more like abandonment, honestly. Ever since she lost her little boy Joshua in that horrible farming accident, she's been drowning in despair. All the joy has just been sucked right out of her life, and this is happening right when her daughter Penelope needs her most. Penny's a teenager now, stuck in the mind-numbing boredom of Penny Lake, trying to figure out how to even be a kid when she's literally the first generation born in this level 5 world. There's no roadmap for any of this. Sally's been thinking about pulling up stakes and moving to a domain that's more kid-friendly, but honestly? She hasn't found anywhere better than the Lake. The only other place she knows well is Powder Junction, and that's basically a party town – definitely not where you'd want to raise a teenager.
"I'm glad you finally dragged yourself out of that house," John says, studying her face with genuine concern. "You've been holed up in there so long you're starting to look like a ghost. You need some sunlight, some fresh air."
"It's a fake sun anyway," Sally replies flatly, her existential crisis bleeding through every word. "It's all just bouncing around in Ben's head. Just like us. We're all just... bobbing around in Ben's consciousness, going absolutely nowhere."
"Yeah, well, reality isn't exactly living up to the hype, is it?" John says with a rueful smile. "But it's what we've got to work with, so we might as well make the best of it. I just... I really want to help you find your way back to some kind of happiness, you know? I miss that beautiful smile of yours, that adorable little giggle. Haven't heard it in years." He puts his arm around her and pulls her close. Sally leans into his shoulder, but her face remains completely blank – no tears, no warmth, just emptiness.
"In your last life – was it Oregon? California? – you lost your wife," Sally says quietly. "You told me how there was this hole in your heart that nothing could ever fill. Well, take that feeling and multiply it by about a billion – that's what it's like to lose a child. This emptiness is bigger than my heart, bigger than all of me. There's just... nothing left. I'm dead too, John. But what the hell does 'dead' even mean anymore? Everything's different from how it's supposed to be. Back on Earth, when someone died, you could at least wrap your head around it – they either stopped existing or moved on to some afterlife.
"But we ARE in the fucking afterlife! So what does it mean to die here? I didn't even think it was possible. Yet here I am with a dead child. So now what? Is there an after-afterlife? Is this all some kind of cosmic joke? I need answers, John. I need them fast, or I swear I'm going to find a cliff somewhere and just jump off to see what happens. The only thing keeping me tethered right now is you – this love we share. Without that, I'd find some way to just... fade away. To not be. Maybe to never have been at all." She stares at a blank spot on the wall as if searching for something that isn't there.
Sally might not be able to cry anymore, but John has shed enough tears for both of them. There are things he's been afraid to say, but he can't keep them bottled up any longer. "I know exactly how you feel, Sally. I've felt the same way. Joshua wasn't just your little boy – he was my grandson too. I've got the same hole in my heart that you do. I don't understand how any of this works any better than you do, so I'm dealing with all the same hurt, the same pain, the same frustration and fear. So don't act like you've got a monopoly on grief here. We're all feeling it. Even Pat is."
The mention of her ex-husband Pat ignites something fierce in Sally's eyes. "Pat? Well, Pat should have thought about that before he and Ben went off playing inventor with their farm equipment. He should have been watching. He never should have left that machinery where Joshua could get to it. Joshua worshipped those two, and they should have been more careful. They should have known better. So there they are, lounging by the lake talking about efficiency and fabrication methods and effectiveness and all that technical bullshit, while I'm left holding the headless corpse of my baby boy because of one of their goddamn contraptions. I'm sorry for your pain, John, I really am. But I'm nowhere near ready to talk to Pat or Ben again. That's just how it is, and I don't see it changing anytime soon. Probably not ever."
John remembers Sally's screams all too well – the sound she made when she found Joshua in that field. It's a day Penny Lake will never forget. The shock of it hit the town like a lightning bolt and changed everything. The innocence they'd managed to preserve was shattered in an instant. Nothing's been the same since. John did his best to comfort Sally, but the wound is still too raw. Time might not heal something this deep – nothing can really heal the loss of a child – but maybe, eventually, time will make it bearable. Make it survivable. John knows better than to push any further right now. All he can do is let Sally lean against him and hope she finds the strength to keep going. Deep down, he knows she will. Somehow.
"Josh! Oh my God, it's Josh!" Sally suddenly squeals, jumping up and running down the hall to throw herself into the arms of her old friend. "Oh my God! Oh my God! It's really you! You're finally here! I've been waiting for years! Where the hell have you been?"
"Wow! What a greeting," Josh laughs, trying to wriggle out of Sally's bear hug so he can breathe. "I'm happy to see you too. You called me God three times there – that's a first for me."
Sally giggles – actually giggles. "Oh, I didn't mean it like that. It's just an expression. Oh my God! Hee hee, there I go again. It's been so long, I don't even know where to start. My friend John is here – let me introduce you two." She practically drags Josh over to the bench where John is sitting. John stands and extends his hand, being as polite as he can manage. Sally is absolutely beaming as she introduces her two favorite people to each other.
John is thrilled to see a genuine smile on Sally's face after all these years of grief. But he's also a little taken aback by the obvious affection Sally has for Josh. Pat had stayed with John for a year after he and Sally split up, and John had been working overtime trying to figure out how to get them back together. Now, seeing Sally light up like this around another man, John's starting to wonder if he's been wasting his time. Still, he shakes Josh's hand warmly and says, "Howdy, son. Good to finally meet you. Sally's brought me here dozens of times, always hoping you'd show up. I'm glad you finally made it."
"I'm happy to be here. And I'm really glad to meet you, John. I've heard quite a lot about you," Josh says with a big grin.
"Really?" John asks, surprised. "Besides Sally here, I didn't think you knew anyone who'd know me."
"Trust me, John," Josh replies. "As a coalescent, I exist across all time simultaneously. I move freely between past and future. In your future timeline, you're actually quite famous – you become the official storyteller for this entire era. I'm truly honored to meet you."
"Oh. Well then," John says with a chuckle. "I guess I better stick to the stories I didn't make up. So you're a time traveler – that's fascinating. I've heard about such things."
"Not exactly a traveler," Josh explains. "I'm there all the 'time' – everywhere, everywhen. I just choose to coalesce, to appear in physical form, at specific points in space-time. Like right here, right now."
"Okay, Josh," Sally interrupts, hands on her hips in that universal female stance that means business. "I didn't wait years for you to show up just so you could chat with John. I need you here for ME. So what took you so damn long? What happened to all that 'seek and you will find, ask and it will be given' stuff you told me last time?"
"Sally, you know you're exactly why I'm here, and I think you also know that I've always been here – in the background, aware of you and everything that's been happening in your life. My existence as a coalescent is incredibly rich, which is why I choose it. But it also comes with serious responsibilities. I could completely screw up an entire timeline if I'm careless. So before I could manifest this time, I needed to get permission – from you." Josh braces himself, looking ready to dodge if Sally decides to throw something at him.
"From me?" Sally asks incredulously. "For God's sake, Josh, I've been calling and calling you! Isn't that all the permission you need? I'm confused here."
Josh pauses, choosing his words carefully. "Let me try to explain this from my perspective. I know you and am in contact with you as you are right now. But I also know and communicate with your past self, since I exist in the past too. I also know your future self since I exist in the future. And I know your higher self – the part of you that exists in the same all-time, all-space domain that I do. When I interact with present-you, it potentially affects not just you right now, but past-you, future-you, and higher-you as well. I needed permission from ALL of you, not just the you sitting here now. I hope that explains it, and I hope it's helping you understand that you're so much more than you realize. You're a truly magnificent being when you get to know all of yourself. I'm honored to know you."
Sally looks thoroughly puzzled. "If you've been talking to my past self, why don't I remember any of it?"
"Because you don't," Josh responds simply. "In your present form, you only remember a tiny fraction of your past. You have no idea who you were a hundred years ago, a million years ago, a billion years ago. Most of that isn't part of your current awareness. You are so much more than you remember – all of you are. That's why I love being a coalescent. I get to know more of you than you know of yourself. It's wonderful. But I don't want to overwhelm you with all this metaphysical stuff. I'm here now to be with you during this time of grief, to help you work through it. And I'm doing so with the full cooperation of ALL the versions of you that I know and love."
Sally still looks confused. "So since you've already talked to my future self, you already know how this all turns out? We're just actors reading from a script that's already been written?"
Josh laughs. "That would be sooooo boring if it were true! No, that's exactly why I have to be so careful. What we do right here, right now, creates ripples that can change the future – and reverse ripples that can even change the past. The universe is dynamic, with past, present, and future in constant flux. One of my jobs is to help keep it all from falling apart while still allowing it to be interesting, fresh, and worth experiencing over and over again.
"That's actually how I met Kaguya. She was messing around in a forbidden temporal domain – just playing around, but she got lost in time and started causing all sorts of temporal disruptions that were affecting your past and future, even things in other dimensions. So I went to rescue her from the temporal distortions, and to rescue the universe from her. It was through her that I got to know you and John. It was John's storytelling about her ancestors that got her wandering into forbidden territory in the first place. But I'm glad she did – it was while we were sorting out the mess she created that we met you last time. She wanted to go back and meet you, so I arranged it. Now that you know all this, don't go changing it in your future, or none of what's happening right now will have ever happened, and we'll miss out on all this fun."
Sally smiles at Josh with a look that tells John she's got some kind of plan brewing that she's not ready to share yet. "Josh, as usual, you've completely fried my brain. I'll need to let all that percolate for a while. In the meantime, to change the subject – who's that woman in the painting over there, under that guy's left arm? Or is it a boy?"
"Ah, Michelangelo and his naked people again. That's 'The Creation of Adam' from one of Earth's old religious creation stories. In this scene, the Creator – supported by all those little angels – reaches out with his right hand to touch Adam, the first man, giving him the gift of life. His left arm is around a mysterious woman. Many people think she's Eve, the first woman and Adam's wife, or Lilith, his other wife. Some say she's Mary, the mother of God, before her incarnation on Earth. But she's actually much more mysterious than any of that.
"She's Sophia – which means Wisdom. She's the personification of Wisdom itself, an aspect of the all-wise Creator. It's interesting that you noticed her. According to legend, Wisdom was with the Creator during the creation of everything, including Adam – that's why she's in this picture. You'll need Wisdom with you too as you work on recreating your own life. That's what I think, anyway. I suppose I could go ask Michelangelo directly, but that would take all the fun out of speculating, wouldn't it?" Josh sits back, looking pleased with his answer.
"So you're just guessing?" Sally exclaims. "As usual, Josh, you get right to the edge of actually answering my question and then don't finish! You are such a frustrating man!" She laughs despite herself. "Okay, guys, let's get out of here and grab some food. For the first time in ages, I actually have an appetite. We can come back later for more art appreciation. Let's go to that place where we first met, Josh – where you were working as a waiter. That place is special to me."
"Sounds perfect. I know the menu there, and there are several dishes I think you'd really enjoy," Josh says, leading them toward the restaurant.
"Josh, I know one of your secrets," Sally says with a mischievous grin. "I asked Michael about this restaurant – the Ethereal Cafe – and he'd never heard of it. He said it must have been built by one of the Powder Junction residents, and he seemed surprised he didn't know about it. But I wasn't surprised at all. You built this place, didn't you? This is your restaurant."
"I wasn't trying to keep it secret – there just wasn't any reason to explain everything at the time. I needed somewhere for us to meet, and this seemed perfect. Was I right?" Josh asks.
"Yes, for once!" Sally teases. "You finally got something completely right AND complete. I wish all your answers were this good." She giggles – that sound John has missed so much. "Just kidding, Josh. And hey, look – there's our reserved table again. Except now it seats four instead of two. How did they know?"
"I'm just trying to be a good host," Josh says with a smile as he seats Sally and John. "Don't bother with the menus – I'll get you something special from the kitchen. I think they even have a fish platter, pan-fried in that flour and cornmeal coating you love so much, John. I'll be right back. You two relax – I'll send out some appetizers."
"Wow!" John says after Josh leaves. "That guy is definitely handy to have around. He's got some serious skills. I get the feeling you two have known each other for way longer than you remember."
"I think so too. From the very first time I saw Josh, I felt something – this incredible feeling I'd never experienced before. So there has to be some history between us that I'm not remembering. Or maybe he's just such a powerful being that I'm drawn to that power. I'm not sure. I just know I love having him around."
"Be careful, sweetheart. I think I see you heading for a train wreck with this Josh character."
"Huh? What do you mean?" Sally asks, genuinely puzzled.
"Well, I may be an old coot, but I'm not a stupid old coot. You're young, you're single, you're hurting and looking for answers, wanting to put your shattered life back together. And along comes this guy who seems to have all the answers. I raised three daughters – I know what it looks like when a girl's in love. And right now, honey, it's all over you like gravy on mashed potatoes."
Sally stares at John in disbelief. "I wouldn't worry about that, John. Yes, he does come in a very cute, tight little package when he manifests here. But I'm not looking for a relationship with an angel or a god or whatever the hell he really is. He is adorable though, I'll give you that. I'll be careful, John. I won't let my feelings get the best of me. But I am going to give him a little squeeze whenever I get the chance. Hee hee."
"Okay, sweetie. I'll trust your judgment. I just don't want to see you get hurt again. I don't think you can handle much more pain right now."
"Here are your appetizers, folks. Enjoy!" the waitress says, setting down a tray.
"What do you call this stuff?" John asks.
"It's an hors d'oeuvres platter with lots of little specialties. We call it 'the plane of forgetfulness' – you'll gobble it up so fast you won't remember eating it," the waitress explains with a smile before hurrying back to the kitchen.
"Some of this looks like poop on a cracker to me," John observes dryly.
"I think that's goose liver pâté. Give it a try, John – I bet it's really good," Sally says, already sampling several items.
Josh returns with another tray and sets plates in front of each of them. "I hope this is to your liking. Fish for John, a big juicy steak for Sally, and for me, one of my favorites – pigeons and dumplings."
"It looks amazing," Sally says, cutting into her steak. "I have a question for you, Josh, and I'm hoping for more than just a partial answer because I've been thinking about this a lot. Here I am eating a steak, John's got fish, and you're eating dead birds. It's all fresh, so probably yesterday these were living things – swimming around, mooing, flying free. Now they're dead on our plates, about to be recycled into our protein. How does that work? Did they have souls, etheric energy? Are there new fish swimming around in fish heaven somewhere? What happens when things die? I know that when Earth died, a bunch of etheric energy came here – not just people, but bugs and plants and cows and everything else. But how does it work when things die again here, in the Earth afterlife?"
"I'll give it my best shot, Sally," Josh says, settling in for a longer explanation. "First, all life – etheric energy, life energy, whatever you want to call it – exists as an aspect of the All That Is. It can neither be created nor destroyed, only changes form, or moves from form to non-form and back again. Life energy differs from non-living energy only in the complexity of its vibrations – its harmony, the music, the song it sings to the universe.
"The basic unit of life in your reality is the cell. Each cell sings its own song of life. These cellular songs can join together into a synergistic symphony – a multicellular collective like a plant, an animal, or you. As the complexity and sophistication of the collective increases, so does its capacity for awareness. All things are conscious at some level because they're emanations of the All That Is – the ultimate consciousness of existence itself. But awareness requires a sophisticated matrix that can connect all the necessary dots in space-time to create a coherent locale for that awareness to manifest.
"A plant is aware, but compared to you, its awareness is very limited. You're aware, but compared to me, your awareness is very limited. Awareness is what allows you to hold the thought 'I am.' Your 'I' exists in your awareness. So to restate your question: does the 'I' in the awareness of these creatures continue, go somewhere else, or dissolve when their physical incarnation is 'recycled'? That depends on the level of consciousness and awareness of the individual incarnation.
"Consider your own cells, for instance. Most cells in your human body have much shorter lifespans than your body as a whole – just like a person has a shorter lifespan than the city they live in. Your physical incarnation is constantly being recycled. Even your bones are dissolved and rebuilt continuously. So what happens to individual cells when they reach the end of their existence? They simply cease to exist as individuals. Their limited awareness dissolves, and their etheric energy is absorbed into the new cells that are constantly forming.
"But what happens when all the cells in a complex collective like yourself end simultaneously – when your physical incarnation stops functioning? That's different. Your complex awareness has created such a marvelous symphony of experience that the All That Is continues to sing your song whether you're in physical form or not. Your life, your 'I', is therefore eternal. You may change form or become non-form. You may find another 'I' that resonates perfectly with yours and merge – two 'I's becoming one. You may exist across multiple times or outside of time entirely, but you always ARE. Your ability to hold the thought 'I am' is eternal. You may stay coherent as an individual 'I' or distribute yourself throughout eternity as I have. There are unlimited ways to be the 'I am' that you are.
"Those are the fundamentals, Sally. But I know your question goes deeper than that. You asked this as a stepping stone to your real question – the one you're afraid to ask. You want to know where Joshua is, your baby boy. You want to know what went wrong that made him die in a place where death shouldn't happen. You want to know if you can have him back. I'm here to show you these answers as best I can. As usual, you won't be completely satisfied, but I'll do my best. I love you, Sally, in ways far beyond your present ability to understand. So I will absolutely do everything I can to help you through this."
Sally sits quietly for a long moment, looking at Josh, then at John, then at the remainder of her steak. "Well then. This is heavy stuff. Let me digest all of that along with the rest of my dinner. We can continue this conversation over dessert. Do you guys have flan here? I love that stuff, and I think John would too."
"Yes, we have flan. And after dessert, I have a surprise adventure planned for both of you," Josh says, excusing himself from the table and heading back to the kitchen.
"Adventure? Wow! I have a feeling things are about to get very interesting," John says, grinning at Sally.